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Saturday, 12 December 2015

Confidence and Stuff

I needed a subject for a blog post. I spent ten minutes trying to think of one, then I saw that my friend and fellow writer Paul M. Feeney wrote a Facebook post about self-confidence and 'imposter syndrome'. So I thought they would make a decent topic to blog about. And it would do nicely, as I've been trying to increase my usual output of one post every six months.

Confidence, eh? Who'd have it?

Who's got it?

I've got a bit. Not much. Probably enough to write a paragraph or two before the doubts creep in. Why bother, Hawkins? What's the point, motherfucker? You're useless, so give up, and leave the writing to the writers with actual talent. You got a bit lucky with that one book, but now you've found your level, fuck-face.

Charming, aren't they? To clarify, there isn't an *actual* voice. So I'm not crazy; I've been tested.

Anyway, I digress. For the last few weeks I've been stuck in a bit of rut with the ol' writing. It's not a 'creative block' as such, more of a small crisis of confidence, and the writing's been a bit more of a struggle than usual. I find writing difficult at the best of times, but lately the self-doubt has been quite dispiriting. But hopefully I'm getting through it. I've just finished the first draft of a short story, and I feel better about it now than I did while I was writing it, so maybe I'm climbing out of the rut. But it's not a big deal. We all struggle. I guess that all writers go through lean patches.

And I suppose that if a writer had constant and total confidence, bordering on arrogance, he'd probably be a knobhead. I'm not a knobhead.

That's it really. Not much else to say. Just trying to keep the blog ticking over.

Hope you're all well. Keep writing, writers.